I posted the following on a group, but this remains one of my greatest dilemmas. I want to get more involved with local poly, hedonistic communities and groups, but I refuse to settle for anything or anyone, even in a group sex, play party, BDSM play, or casual context, that isn't sufficiently knowledgeable of queer and trans issues, dammit! But what's a boy to do? Is it possible to find that "needle in a gaystack?" It seems that in my personal journey of growth and discovery, the more "unusual" things I find about myself, the more possibilities for "matches" they seem to rule out, unless I want to misrepresent myself or compromise who I am. *sigh* I'm baslically looking for intelligent, queer, kinky, spiritual women (a little burned out by men who don't really, not really, get it - I'm not a woman, even though I'm genderfuck, dammit), but for the particulars, it's a bit more complicated.
Leather Daddy FTM <firstname.lastname@example.org> wrote:
You know, I haven't completely decided yet, but I'm leaning toward "no." See, for the most part, non-trans guys really do not, at the core, or even at the surface, understand the trans thing, and I'm sort of done with settling for carnal experiences, even great, mindblowing sex, with people who treat me like a woman or merely "tolerate" my gender. I've done it in the past, and that's fine. I've fucked a lot of people in my day, and all those experiences had their place, but I would rather not at this point in my life, fuck non-trans men who do not have at least a better working knowledge of or experience with gender variety. I'm not entirely sure that the men/"male" bodied people on this group, while more aware of sexuality, gender, and kinky diversity than the average bear, have enough of an understanding of gender and sexuality for my comfort. I don't feel this hesitation with women or "female"-bodied people, maybe because the power differential isn't there, as it is with (non-trans) men. I've dated and/or fucked straight women before (well, who's REALLY, truly completely straight, really), queer women, and non-queer lesbians and biwomen, and even those who either did not accept or understand my gender or my body (my outsides or my insides, as it were), and we still had a good time. I did not feel that same "eww," that feeling of violation and creepiness that I do with non-trans men who do not understand. Perhaps it truly is the power differential that inherently comes with being a non-trans man, or because I don't want to have my soul, spirit, and body invalidated by being treated or thought of as something that I'm not. Even as a "man with Top Dicks."
I've been thinking of instead inviting the women of the group either trans or non-trans, for either one-on-one encounters or a planned event. Don't get me wrong, I date and fuck a variety of genders and gender expressions, including standard, run of the mill, non-trans guys, yes, but I've had a lot of those lately. They're as plentiful as the sands on the beach. And when it comes to RELATIONSHIPS, I'm looking at completely different "criteria" entirely. This message only applies to purely physical experiences, like the play party.
I hope this explains some things, and I certainly hope I didn't offend anyone.
Oh, and FYI, we don't call My bits and parts anything that sounds female. A lot of trans people have alternate terms for body parts, and I would recommend that if you ever have the honor to play with or be in a relationship with one that you ask before you refer to intimate body parts.
aka Leather Daddy FTM
Sent: Aug 10, 2004 8:25 PM
To: Leather Daddy FTM <email@example.com>
Subject: Re: Alexander's picture
Are you planning on going to the party on the 21st? I would really like a chance to play with those beautifil boobs.